Day III-Testing the Bladder Limit; 2012 Testing Memoirs

2012 Testing Memoirs

Day III-Testing the Bladder Limit!

                The Human adult bladder can hold up to 1000mL of urine.  The urge to pee begins at 300mL.  That is usually what I tell my students before sending them back to their seats when requesting to use the potty.  Recently, do to my ‘constant monitoring’ or as I like to call it my  ‘classroom flight pattern’ my own bladder has become a source of concern.  Maybe it has something to do with my flight pattern, which goes like this:

                Two different flight patterns are chosen to take me around the whole room twice.  Not too fast because I want to make sure students are in the right section but not too slow because I’m not supposed to be reading the actual questions and hovering might weird out the kid.  If I can launch just right of the counter I was leaning on or out of my chair I can keep a consistent flight speed throughout my whole loop!  
                I pit stop at my desk.  Check for e-mails from Mrs. Baca.  Take drink of water.  

Repeat 100 times!!  Literally!  

Stop at desk for the 101th time.  Do I dare sit?  My feet hurt.  What is constantly monitoring mean anyway?  Is there going to be some sort of teacher march at the end of the year I am training for?  In science we’d say there needs to be an operational definition for the term ‘constantly’.

Anyhow…I digress….

                I’m at my desk and my sips of water aren’t cutting it anymore but I am in the middle of the biggest loser competition which Mrs. Markel has rigged and I know I need to be drinking water.  So now every time I ‘pit stop’ I am taking drinks of both my coffee and my water.  Why? 

OUT OF SHEER BOREDOM!!!  (I mean to keep myself alert for constant monitoring!)

                I do believe that after testing my bladder limit will have stretched to 1500mL.  I definitely can’t seem to work on sleeping with my eyes open with a full bladder. L

Progress Updates-One desk has eraser shavings all over it.  Literally looks like an eraser exploded.  The student MUST be doing a lot of work and making astute corrections!  Let me ‘monitor’ and see what she is working on.  Yep, she is drawing a data table!  Making sure the lines are perfectly straight and even!  No information or numbers in the table yet but it is sure going to look impressive!
                -I have 1 student left to finish.  She is at the desk by herself.  I am circling around her and her  desk over and over again like a satellite around the Earth I circle, sure to keep a consistent flight speed.  I sure hope she doesn’t feel any pressure to finish! 

Day II- 2012 Testing Memoirs

2012 Testing Memoirs

Day 2-Prologue

Don’t tell me my students aren’t learning virtues here at school.

“Sit down and find something to do” I tell them as we wait the last 20 minutes before school gets out.

Forming at one table is four very large boys.  Two on each side of the table working as a team (virtue: teamwork).  Yep, they are working collaboratively without any coercion.  Rather than the fifth boy being an outcast because there is no room at the table he becomes the referee.  That is his official job.  The funny thing is they are listening to him.  If there is a “penalty” he calls it and they accept the consequences.   (virtue: the group is having respect for an authority figure).  “What is the game?”, you might ask. It is a game of air hockey with a bottle cap.  One of the boys must have picked up the cap to recycle later on when picking up the myriad amounts of trash left outside from snack.  (virtue: recycling).   One of the pairs of students has even come up with a handshake that looks a lot like pattycake repeated about 25 times.  (virtue: boys not afraid to engage in feminine handshakes). O.k…well the rest were respectable virtues! J

Day 2-Math Session I

Math today.  Mathematics.  Mathematica.  Personally, a pain in my a**ica  since grade school.

                 I ask the students before handing out the test if there were any math specific testing strategies.  
One girl blurts out, “I hate math!”.  No…as much as the public would like to believe it that is NOT a strategy we are teaching here in public school!

          The student with the purple glasses is not here today.  I bet she stayed home to study a little more for the math sessions that way she can take them during make-ups and offset the consequences of her absences.  I’m almost positive that is the case!!!

Day 2-Math Session II

No real updates.  Suppose I should be thankful since Rojollio, Rojo, Rojolizario, whatever his name is,  was out and about.

Day 1 Epilogue- 2012 Testing Memoirs

2012 Testing Memoirs

Day 1- Epilogue

After sending Day 1 memoirs I headed to the L-Block (library) to securely turn in my box of gold, I mean test booklets. (or as the person watching my room for me said, “Is it your turn to return your junk?”) Either way, I entered the ward high in spirit that Day 1 was about to be officially in the books.
I enter the bright lit room to see two white tables. Mr. Sosa at one table and Mrs. Baca at the other. My assigned inspector is Mr. Sosa. I head to the table and set my box down. I give Mr. Sosa my list.
“Looks like it should have 18” he says as he starts counting.
15…16…17…I don’t hear him count an 18. He counts again…17 again! I count them. Sure as Shit! 17!

I know I collected all of them, right!?! In a very calm manner I suggest to Mr. Sosa that he double check the names while I go check my classroom. I show further restraint by walking rather than sprinting to my room where my kids are up and around, talking, and experiencing the Day 1 euphoria of just finishing the test. It felt like I walked into a movie scene where someone is trying to run through a crowded sidewalk or space to get somewhere or something but cannot make any progress. Everywhere I turn there is a student with a goofy smile looking at me, ignorant to my dire situation. I see no test! I calmly tell them all to “Sit Down” and head back to L-Block.

Upon reentering I see Mrs. Baca is now up at the table reading the names and #’s to Mr. Sosa to be checked off. It is silent in the room. Hearts are beating faster… mine faster than anyone’s. All of the sudden a burst happens at the door to our right and a teacher walks in…smile on her face… and in a what seemed like extra loud voice says, “Oh, Mr. McKinney…that e-mail was hilarious, cracked me up!” Normally I would express my appreciation for such a comment. It’s all I can do to turn the corners of my mouth up in an attempted smile. No one says a word in response to her. Silence.

Oh crud, is this Karma for my Day 1 memoirs?

I’m in a bit of a fog at this point. I hear Mrs. Baca calling off the names. Her stature seems to be growing larger with each passing moment. I hear her say a student’s last name ‘Boden” and I correct her, “it’s Bowen.”
“I don’t really care at this point!!” she says as she shakes her head. Uh oh! Hmmm…is my resume updated?

She finishes reading the names and they are all there!?! There is a fraction of a moment where we all just sit there stunned.
Mr. Sosa counts the numbers off the list.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,15,16,17,18. The roster skipped #14!!!

Whew!! Crisis averted. Code Red…Stand Down!! Tomorrow…..Math!

Day 1-2012 Testing Memoirs

2012 Testing Memoirs

                There were two boys fighting in the bathroom this morning before testing.  WHAT?  Those two boys haven’t put all of their differences aside to come together to show the state, the nation, and themselves just how much they have “gained” this year?  No, I’m not talking about the new tattoo, dime bag, 3 suspensions, and beating from the abusive dad they gained this year.  I’m talking about the knowledge and skills they find so relevant in their lives that they can’t wait to share it on the NMSBA.

Day 1

Session I

It’s nice and cool in my room.  Perfect Testing Conditions!  2 perfectly sharpened pencils per student.  I get to read the same instructions over and over again.  “Does everyone understand?”  Students begin vigorously writing and reading.  It’s quiet in here.  Eerily quiet.  Yet here is Mr. McKinney…roaming around the room…around and around…like a caged animal wishing it was stalking it’s prey.  What is they prey?  Any abnormality of course!!  Any wrong session, anyone who hasn’t stopped at the all powerful STOP box, ANYONE who looks, thinks, or acts like doing anything other than Reading Session I.  

Session II

One of my students has brought her purple reading glasses.  I haven’t seen her with glasses all year.  Wait!  That’s because she has missed 80 days this year.  At least her sight is ready and dialed in for the test…I’m sure missing half the school year won’t lower her scores.  If it does however it will obviously be my fault as her teacher!  

I see a student with his head down on the table and his leg bouncing in an obviously ADHD fashion.  If it weren’t for his leg however I might think he was sleeping with his eyes open.  Wish I could figure out how to do that so when someone peeks in my window during testing it would as if I was fastidiously watching over my classroom while sleeping.  Hmmm…something to work on!

Till Tomorrow!  Happy Testing!